When I decided to give birth to our children at home, and thus with out pain medication, I often heard the comment: "Wow, you're brave". I, however, never felt brave in making the choice to have a natural childbirth. In my mind birth was just something a women was designed to do, no big deal. I didn't quite understand the comment about being brave.
Now years have passed and a great children's story has made it's way onto my boys' book shelf. This story has reminded me about the idea of bravery in childbirth.
In "Commander Toad in Space" by Jane Yolen, a team of space exploring frogs encounters a monster which they must outsmart to escape becoming its dinner. Upon safely returning to their space ship Lieutenant Lily questions their bravery, since all they did was run away. Their wise commander points out that "You cannot be brave unless you are first very much afraid". The three frogs concur that since they were most certainly afraid, they were thus very, very brave.
So now I finally understand the suggestion that I was brave having homebirths. Most people in our culture fear childbirth. Other people would have assumed that I carried this cultural fear of birth also. In their eyes I obviously should have been very much afraid and then brave to face up to that fear during my births.
I realize now that I didn't feel brave in my births, because I never felt the prerequisite fear!
I wasn't afraid that I would experience discomfort that I might interpret as suffering. I wasn't scared that I or my baby would encounter any sort of mishap that would endanger our lives. I wasn't in the least bit concerned that childbirth was going to be lonely, isolating or disempowering.
I wish that all women were able to dispel any childbirth fears they carry as they approach their birth experiences. I wish women didn't feel they had to be brave in childbirth.
Have No Fear!
1 comment:
Thanks for this perspective! I am fifteen weeks pregnant with my second, and though I know it's getting a little late in the game and that I need to decide very soon, I have been considering having a home birth this time (this depends on a lot of things, foremost would be what's going on with the Midwifery situation in Alberta and whether or not I will therefore be able to afford the services of a Midwife...I look forward to any news you may have on that issue!)
Due to a VERY difficult labour the first go 'round, I have been rather more afraid this time than I was the first time (when I birthed in a hospital) despite reassurances that later deliveries are usually at least a little easier. Your exhortation to "have no fear" and your fearless example are a source of strength. Keep writing!!
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